Please, for god’s sake, stop covering the royal wedding.  It is not news.  At this very moment, the CNN World edition (as if the world just loved hearing the wedding affairs of the descendant of, on average, their historic oppressors)  has 3 of the 9 “highlights” being wedding related, and the primary headline (vastly more prominent than “Syrian Government Shoots Uninterestingly Non-Royal Protesters“) is “WHO’S GOING TO THE ROYAL WEDDING.”  I would like to say that this insanity was limited to CNN, but the other networks basically have the same thing.

So here’s the rule from now on: no news organization who has dedicated this much time to the wedding of the descendant of (historically documented) serial killers is ever again allowed to run an article or editorial about the sad state of our political discourse.  If you really felt that way, every dollar you spent covering the powerless, useless, politically embarrassing (you still have royalty in this day and age, Britain?  Really?  Bet the other more mature countries don’t invite you to their parties!) spawn of a long line of up-until-recently murderous butchers could have been used to help fix that — ’cause it’s not like there aren’t actually important things happening right now in the world.

You’re even aware of them, Mr. Strangely Anthropomorphised (see I can be British too) Embodiment of CNN, because I see that you are covering them in tiny boxes next to the article about “How To Dress Like a Princess.”  It’s really sad when the ad copy for Barbie Princess Dress-Up Dolls and your headlines converge.  I’d try to compare by listing how many times G.I. Joe action figures have the same marketing line as Fox headlines, but that might be a bit scary.

It’s bad enough how much the news focuses on the personal lives of actual leaders (to the detriment of coverage of their policies) — but when they”re covering the wedding of British welfare queens (a more accurate usage of the term has never been committed to paper) who don’t even wield a shred of political power (thank god), we’ve gone too far.  Is there anything that puts the miracle that we actually have a representative government in starker relief than the amount of time, money and energy that people spend on this ridiculous, sycophantic theatre — including, most amazingly, the citizens of a country that actually owes its existence to the fact that it shot quite a few servants of said royals?

The British royalty — and even more explicitly, this wedding — is not a news item.  They are more like a sadly prominent pimple on the fact of an otherwise respectable person, that — if we must — should be discussed only in the context of how most effectively we can cure her of this condition, so we can put the entire embarrassing situation behind us and move onto issues that matter.